Lips...The Asian Bistro Kind Obviously.

I've always been a fan of nicknames. From 4th grade to senior year I'd look at my classmates Meatball and Doober with some serious envy of their affectionate identifiers. It is my firm believe that you know you are doing something right in life when your namesake is a ball of ground up beef and a doober, whatever a doober may be.

My nicknames, on the other hand, haven't really been anything to write home about. I usually end up with a "Jord", or "Jordie," or "Johhh-rdie" (the Midwest version of Jordie), or "Jawdie" (the Long Island version of Jordie) or "that tall broad" or "you there."

Thanks to one oddly named sushi restaurant, I finally have a SICK nickname, and I mean that in every sense of the word.

It's Lips, at your service (and you don't even want to know how badly I wanted to say "Lips, at your cervix" right there. Hey, Tina Fey didn't get famous by thinking about her mom listening to her stand up now did she?)

Here's how it happened - One second I'm walking down the street talking to a very perceptive young man and I'm saying my usual profound thoughts out loud like "Ew sick, who would name a restaurant that sells raw fish LIPS?" The next thing I know that same young man is on the phone with his mom saying "Yeah, Lips and I will be over for Easter dinner on Sunday" or introducing me to people as "Lips, this is Doober, Doober, meet Lips."

The best part about this nickname is that there is no meaning behind it and no personal reference to any lips of mine (I know not a single person reading this is going to believe that).

What I will defend to the end is that this is simply one man's successful attempt to capitalize on a humongous language barrier. How were the Lips owners supposed to know they were dealing with a bunch of pervy Americans, not one of whom thinks of the intended lips when they ask "Hey, Lips tonight?"

Sadly, Lips has closed, but I will do my best to ensure that the name lives on in full lipped glory. Now get your mind out of the gutter.