Sarah Silverman said something like "self deprecation is another form of egoism." True story. But how else am I supposed to understand my monthly mail receipt of "King Size" magazine and process water cooler conversations like these:
Mail Guy: Girl, why you workin' here?! You could be a model.
Me: Oh thanks, that's super nice of you to say but nah, I'm good here in my cubicle.
Mail Guy: You tried it before?
Me: Sort of, once in middle school. They told me my hips were two inches too big and that I could get surgery to shave the bone off but my parents love me.
Mail Guy Who Really Knows How to Talk to a Woman: Well they make those plus sized models don't they?
Me: Yes. Yes, they definitely do make those.
Me (internally): You sonofabitch.