....but i'm not

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

i could be a....you pick.

I have a couple of things that I'm pretty good at.

#1 is shuffleboard. I recently discovered that I will make an excellent 74 year old foxy lady who has the leather skin of an iguana, wears a visor and floral bathing suit with the ruffly skirt-bottom, and plays shuffleboard like its my post-retirement job.

#2 is laughing by myself at things that probably only I think are funny.

For example, inspired by the the great Jenny the Bloggess who recently discovered that nearly 700 of her followers found her by Googling "dead whores," I decided it would be fun to Google this blog and see what I could come up with. Of course that just left me with way too many unanswered questions.

I didn't make it very far because these are the search items that auto-populated, in order, when I typed in "i could be a"...

"i could be a freak"
"i could be a freak every day of the week"
"i could be a freak lyrics"
"i could be a mud doctor"
"i could be a poet"
"i could be a frog"
"i could be a better girlfriend"
"i could be a man of the world"

It's tough to explain the spectrum of emotions I experienced when viewing this list. It went from mild intrigue (i could be a freak) to passionate curiosity (i could be a mud doctor) to pathetic empathy (i could be a poet) back to passionate curiosity (i could be a frog) to saddness and confusion (i could be a better girlfriend, keyword "could be") and then the desire to punch someone in the face (i could be a man of the world...really? You have to Google that?).

Disappointed with those results, I decided to move on to Facebook knowing that it certainly wouldn't let me down in the random category. Sure enough, I discovered that the group "I Wish I Could Record My Dreams and Watch Them Later" has 98,566 fans. I'm sorry, what?

Next in line was the group "I could really use a wish right now" which slapped me across the face with a big ole' 119,823 fans.

And last but not least, a search for "i could b" pulled up (drumroll please)...

"i wish my babydaddy came with a receipt so i could take his a$$ back," liked by a whopping 1,618 people.

Basically, what I've learned from this is that if I really want to amp up readership, I need to start tagging inspirational words in posts like "wishes" and "dreams" and "babydaddy."


  1. I like to think of you as a mud doctor. did you google that???

  2. Seriously WTF is a mud doctor and how exactly do you become a doctor of mud?